Dating has always been and will always be one of the most common ways to get to know your newly met partner before deciding on marriage. However, when we start dating, we make mistakes that leave us vulnerable. These mistakes determine how long the relationship last as well as leaving cracks in the relationship which my hinder its progress.
Before you start going out on dates, here are some mistakes you should avoid when you go on your first date.
All the advice you need for first-time sex
All the advice you need for first-time sex
The secret thing you don’t realize about the first time you have sex until way after it’s happened is that there’s no wrong way to do it. As long as it’s totally consensual and safe, you’re doing everything right.
But that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to feel nervous (or even a little anxious) about doing the deed for the very first time. Everyone has pre-sex jitters—no matter how cool they pretend to play it. And you should embrace the awkwardness! Because, I hate to break it to you, but sex can be just as awkward the 500th time you do it as the first. Smushing two clumsy bodies together is a perfect recipe for weird sounds and fumbling around, and that never really changes.
Here, sex therapist Vanessa Marin and psychotherapist Nicole Tammelleo, LCSW-R, share their tips for making your first time as pleasurable as possible.
1. Don’t fake an orgasm.
I know pop culture has ingrained in us all the need to moan and writhe with pleasure at every single touch, but do yourself a favor down the line and don’t set the bar for an orgasm via kiss immediately. Tammelleo says this is especially important the first time you have sex with a new partner. You don’t want to create any unrealistic standards, especially since many women don’t have orgasms the first time they have sex with a new partner.
“If you fake an orgasm or tell your partner you had one when you didn’t, it’s harder to communicate your needs in the future,” Tammelleo says. Plus, once you get into the habit of faking, it makes it that much harder to stop, take a step back, and be like, “Actually, what you’re doing doesn’t rock my world as much as you think, sorry.”
2. Be comfortable asking questions.
Whether it’s your first or fiftieth time having sex, the worst thing you can do is go into it with the assumption that you know everything about what your partner wants. No amount of slumber party gossip about blow jobs and giving massive hickeys can prepare you for what your partner is actually gonna be into. The only way to find out is to ask them: Do they like oral sex, or would they rather leave that off the menu? Would they rather have the music on or off? Not only does asking questions show your partner that you care, but it may also encourage them to do the same—making the whole experience better for everyone.
3. Know that sex should never hurt.
“Many women believe that the first time they have sex it will be painful,” says Tammelleo. “While it might be a little uncomfortable and awkward, it really should not be painful.”
Tammelleo adds that “hundreds of women” have told her that, when they had penetrative sex for the first time, it felt like their partner was “hitting a brick wall.” Which is absolutely not what this should feel like. Lube is an absolute must-have (more on that later), but if that doesn’t help get things running smoothly, you should consult your doctor or a gynaecologist to see if you may have a condition called vaginismus, which makes it really hard for anything to enter the vagina.
If your vagina is burning or itching or feels any sort of bad thing during or after sex, talk to your doctor, especially if the sensation quickly doesn’t go away on its own or gets worse over time.
4. And also that you might (or might not!) bleed.
The (incorrect, pretty problematic) myth that everyone with a vagina bleeds the first time they have penetrative sex is, as is turns out, very much not true!
Yes, some people do bleed the first time, and that bleeding is usually caused by the stretching of your hymen—a thin, delicate piece of tissue located just a couple inches inside the vagina. But more than 50 per cent of people don’t bleed their first time, because the hymen can be stretched during regular, non-sex activities like jumping on a trampoline, riding a bike, or running around.
Also, bleeding after sex can happen at any time in your life—not just the first time. Once again: lube is your new BFF.
5. Remember not to compare your experience with anyone else’s.
Not only should you temper your expectations going into it, but also keep in mind that when you’re looking back on the experience later, not to beat yourself up about it. If you waited to have sex for the first time with a long term partner only to break up in the future, don’t feel bad for sharing that experience with that person as long as you had consensual, enthusiastic fun in the moment. It’s normal to cringe thinking about past sexual experiences, but that’s part of the fun.
6. You don’t have to tell someone it’s your first time, but you might want to.
No new partner deserves a full report of your sexual history. Whether you’ve slept with 50 people or zero, that’s your business. I repeat: no one is entitled to your “number.” However, getting intimate for the first time can be… well, intimate. If you feel like you’re withholding something important to you, it could negatively affect your overall comfort level and ~vibe~.
If you tell someone you’ve never had sex before and they freak, then they’re probably not someone you wanted to be with anyway. They should take that as their cue to be even more communicative with you.
7. Being safe can actually relax you.
Nothing is more distracting than worrying about STIs and pregnancy during sex. Even if it feels awkward, it is so, so, so important to chat with your partner beforehand about what you’ll do to protect yourselves. Use a condom even if you’re on another form of birth control to protect you both from STIs unless you are both monogamous with each other and STI-free (check out local clinics like Planned Parenthood for free/affordable testing).
8. Enthusiastic consent is a prerequisite for everything you do.
“Make sure you enthusiastically consent to each and everything the two of you do together,” Marin says. “‘Enthusiastic’ is a key part of that sentence. Don’t just go along with something—make sure you’re excited about it.”
Remember that just because you start an activity—for example, sex—you don’t have to finish or continue it: You have the right to pause or stop whatever it is. No. Matter. What. Same goes for your partner, of course: Check in with each other as things progress to make sure you’re both enthusiastic about what you’re doing.
9. Remember to breathe.
A big part of enjoying sex is focusing on the sensations you’re feeling instead of, for example, your nervousness (which is totally common to feel your first time, even if you know you’re ready to have sex). “Deep breathing is a fantastic way to let go of distracting thoughts,” Marin points out. As you’re taking those deep breaths, focus on how different parts of your body are feeling and how your partner’s body feels against yours—not just the obvious part, but their fingers in your hair, hands on your hips, whatever it is.
10. Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay. Did I mention foreplay?
The more aroused you are, the better sex is likely to feel, so don’t neglect foreplay — including oral sex, manual sex, and, yes, good, old-fashioned kissing. “You’re more likely to orgasm from oral sex or fingering,” Marin says. “Resist the temptation to think of these activities as the things you do before moving on to the ‘main event.'” Whether or not you do orgasm the first time you have sex, clitoral stimulation is the key to most women’s pleasure, and vaginal intercourse doesn’t usually provide very much of it.
11. Caring about your partner’s pleasure matters more than your technique.
It’s natural to worry that you won’t be “good” in bed your first time, but trust: what matters most is that you are invested in how your partner feels and vice versa and that you two are communicating about it.
“A lot of people get anxious about sexual performance, but perhaps the best quality in a lover is enthusiasm,” Marin says. If you’re genuinely enjoying giving your partner pleasure, they’ll notice it, and have more fun, she says. Need some guidance to get you started? Simple questions like, “How does that feel?” and, “Do you like when I [fill in the blank]?” give your partner a chance to express appreciation for what you’re doing or (gently) ask for something a little different.
12. Feedback is not the same as criticism, so don’t hesitate to give it.
A common concern is that if you tell your partner something doesn’t feel good — or something else would feel better—they’ll feel attacked. But if they care about your pleasure, they’ll be happy to hear how to help you feel it. In the moment, it can be hard to figure out what exactly you want, so it can be helpful to talk after the fact about what you enjoyed, what you could do without, and what you’d like to try next time. And if you don’t have an orgasm, don’t feel pressure to pretend to have one. Think of organism not as your responsibility but as a fun goal to work toward with your partner(s), together.
13. Lube is your friend.
Using lube sometimes gets a bad rap as a sign that you’re not turned on enough, but even if you and your body are saying “OK, let’s do this!” a little lube can make sex so much more pleasurable. Another benefit of using a water- or silicone-based lube with a condom (avoid oil-based lube, which can degrade latex) is that less friction means the condom is less likely to tear.
14. Your partner’s penis might not do everything the two of you want.
Whether premature ejaculation, a limp penis, or inability to orgasm strike, it doesn’t mean something is wrong with your partner or you failed them somehow. Comfort with a new partner often takes time and communication, and that goes for both men and women.
Also, maybe this is a little much for your first time (but really it isn’t), there’s nothing wrong with bringing in a sex toy. Actually, it’s a great idea for all sex-having people.
15. Temper your expectations.
Teen movies and TV shows sold us a pretty unrealistic vision of what having sex for the first time looks like. It’s always perfectly choreographed and mood-lit and romanticand ends in an implied simultaneous orgasm. As if.
Don’t expect fireworks the first time you have sex—sex is messy and human and flawed and often awkward, no matter how many times you’ve done it. It’s the practice and the exploration that make sex fun.
7 Signs of Good Boyfriends
QUALITIES OF A GOOD BOYFRIEND/HUSBAND-MATERIAL
Men are the beginners of many joyful and bitter relationships. They are literally like vultures who are always on the lookout for unsuspecting preys. To wrap up ASAP, boys are usually the bold ones to first approach ladies and start conversations, which gradually metamorphose into a relationship. It appears to be an unwritten rule that men should always shoulder it upon themselves to make the first move. Even though, there is nothing wrong with ladies making the first approach, it is a complete rare occurrence. Having tackled the qualities of a good girlfriend in our first epistle, let’s delve into some desirable qualities of boyfriends, the malicious creative destroyers.
Qualities of a good boyfriend/husband material
Confidence: It isn’t scarce to find boys who are complete jerks. These caliber of guys are completely unsure of themselves. They find it hard to muster courage to even approach ladies fearlessly, however, when they do get lucky and pounce on a considerate girl who accepts their proposal, things could later turn murky and disappointing. How long will you keep faking your confidence.? Some boys are good talkers on the phone but they become paralyzed when they bump into their crushes or lovers. Trust me, no big time girl will ever enjoy a companion with these kids. Your birthday celebrations are forthcoming and you might not want to invite your besties and BFFs only to come and meet a dumb and numb dude who properly exudes timidity(nervousness). My sister, don’t entertain an asshole if you are the hard-core type.
Decisiveness: A good boyfriend is a critical and an independent thinker, not a mama’s boy. He should be mature enough to take tough decisions by himself. Marriage is a bumpy road. Excuse me to use ladies as being vehicles. A desirable driver(man) should be a quick thinker who can navigate a delicate vehicle through muddy waters. With all due respect to woman intelligence, a good man should able to lead, and sometimes even veto certain crucial collective decisions. I can assure you that, no serious girl will take delight in seeing her man always completely lost at sea.
Don’t be poor: It is alright for boyfriends to go broke at times, but bro, don’t be poverty-stricken for 24/7/365. What do you mean? You think relationships is only about making empty promises and eating the thing carelessly? Huh! Not so fast. Come on buddy, your woman needs to look superb, she needs to go for a new hairstyle, she needs airtime and internet data. Sometimes they don’t expect much, just a little surprise mobile money alert. How can you always lack money? By this, you make your future so unpredictable for your girlfriend. Women don’t eat grasses, so be responsible.
Be comforting: Women by nature, easily get disheartened. They are feeble creatures. A little problem and they begin to worry by heart. It is necessary for boys to be smart to spot the feelings of their women and encourage, comfort and reassure them. Boys are supposed to be tough in the face of unfavorable circumstance. Be responsibly care-free and restore hopes to your depressed ladies.
Be appreciative: Lovable guys have a heart of gratitude, thanking and complementing their ladies for their achievements. I remember my girl bought me some shoes without asking for my feet size. Determined to surprise me, she brought me some long shoes which nearly measured twice my actual feet size. Ha-ha! Anyway, I still thanked her for that. It is not a new fact that women love complements, so give it to them. I like to do this, but I rarely expect them to complement me back. I just don’t care.
Don’t also be a gossip: Surprised? Yes, nothing is disgusting and shameful than a man who has time to backbite his woman. This is unmanly. A good guy will not also disclose secrets or weaknesses of his true girl lover to his friends. But truth be spoken, sometimes we boys do it for fun. But I think it isn’t right for a boy who claims to be madly in love with his girlfriend, to mock her fallen boobs or meatless ass to his friends. If your girl goes about describing your short and slim dick to her friends, you might wanna commit suicide, bro. Ha-ha!
Love unconditionally: Humans are not faultless creatures, so your girlfriend does have her Achilles’ heels. Don’t capitalize on her mistakes or weaknesses and be mean to her. She equally deserves your maximum respect.
Finally, be strong in the bedroom. Actually, this could have been placed as the first point. No girl enjoys your lazy sexual maneuvers. Cum on, you are a man. It is ok to exhibit naivety during your first few sexual meetings. But my guy, study and up your bedroom games. Sex is a game, so make sure you play it well and win your woman. Don’t forget, sex is may be the number one reason you went into the relationship for, so when you are lucky and she opens that gate, make sure you destroy inside. If she isn’t cool, she will tell you to slow. Not gifted with a sizable package? Don’t worry, sometimes ladies don’t care about the length or girth, all they care is how you use your small tool. You be there kidding, she go dump you and go for bigger goods somewhere. I’m done. But watch out for part 2. There are still more points to cover.
You Can Leave Some Comments Below. I wanna hear your suggestions.
The Oral Sex Guide: What Women Really Want
The Oral Sex Guide: What Women Really Want
Cunnilingus. Even the word itself seems more complicated than it has to be.
But when it comes to stimulating her down there, the numbers don’t lie: 30 to 50 percent of women say they cannot reach an orgasm through intercourse alone. And there are 8000 nerve endings on the visible nub of the clitoris to navigate (twice as many as the penis). You do the math.
Luckily, we’re here to help, breaking down all the tips, tricks and techniques you need to wow your woman tonight in a simple six-step plan. Consider it your final oral exam.
- Take the initiative.
Oral sex is not just foreplay anymore, explains Ian Kerner, Ph.D., a sexuality counsellor and author of She Comes First, “It should be considered core-play.” Only about 43 percent of women can climax through penetration alone (most need direct clitoral stimulation). In order to fulfill all her needs, you’ll have to put those mouth muscles to work—and the best move is to dive in eagerly. “You should let her know how much the thought of going down on her turns you on. Plant ideas into her head as to what you’d love to do to her,” says Yvonne Fulbright, Ph.D., a sexologist and author of The Best Oral Sex Ever—His Guide to Going Down. And once you’re down there, Fulbright suggests “making noises, which will indicate to her that you’re into it,” putting any libido-lowering insecurities she may have to rest.
- Be flexible.
One ex might have loved your go-to oral sex move while another woman may hate it. “No two people are alike in what turns them on, so you need to be adaptive in your techniques, positions, etc.,” says Fulbright. Keep an open mind when it comes to feedback—and be prepared to observe. “Watch her please herself,” suggests Molly Adler, a sexuality educator.
“You will learn how she likes to be stimulated and get a great show. Get to know her body by paying attention to what she likes. And if she doesn’t know what she loves yet, figure it out together.” By taking the time to experiment what works for her as you explore her body, you’ll become more focused on the overall journey instead of the orgasm outcome.
- Start slow, finish strong.
Arousal is a process. As women get more excited, the types of sensations desired will vacillate. “In general, you should start off light and delicate. Very rhythmic,” explains Kerner. “Throughout the process, you should apply more pressure and more stimulation. What might have been uncomfortable at the beginning might be comfortable for her at the end.” The most common mistake is to start rough or too intense, so warm up her entire vulva first before focusing in on the clitoris. “Once she’s warmed up, bring her G-spot [which is basically the first inch to two inches of the vagina] to life while massaging her clitoris with the tip of your tongue,” suggests Full bright, adding that you should become familiar with all of her erogenous zones.
The trick is to indirectly stimulate body parts that can become overly sensitive, like rubbing her mons pubis to give her clitoris a breather.
- Let her do some of the work.
Reading a woman’s body language is the best way to monitor the amount of pressure and speed you should use—and she can help you set the pace. “You don’t necessarily want to make like a cobra by going super fast or getting super fancy with your swirls. But you want to apply a point of resistance,” says Kerner, noting that—just as when a woman is on top during intercourse—you can allow her to control movement and pressure as you go down on her. And, of course, it helps to pay attention to what she’s doing up above. Nonverbal cues, like a squeeze of your hand, clenching the sheets or running her fingers through your hair, are easy to follow. “If she is responding with excitement to what you are doing, keep doing it. Not harder or faster, just exactly the same way,” says Adler.
- Use your fingers as extra instruments.
When combined with direct clitoral stimulation, finger action is the key to turning a little G-spot teasing into a full-blown orgasm. As you lick her clitoris with your tongue, “slowly and gently insert a well-lubed—and well-coiffed—finger into the vaginal canal,” suggests Adler. “Curve your fingers upward while maintaining direct clitoral stimulation, either with your tongue or a vibrator. Then move your fingers gently in and out of her vaginal canal while pressing firmly upward.” The response will be explosive.
- Mix up positions.
“The preferred position is going to be very individual, boiling down to her comfort with the action and how much she wants to be in charge, versus being a more laid back receiver,” explains Fulbright. “Being on her back gives her less control over what’s being stimulated and with what kind of intensity, while ’69’ can have her less focused on her own reactions as she tries to pleasure her partner.” In general, the more a position exposes her clitoris, the greater the sensations and intensity of the action she’ll experience.
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